Ask Bog - The Ded Dave Show
Ask Bog
The Ded Dave Show's Bog is interested in helping you out by giving advice* or answering life's difficult questions (and simple ones, too). No subject is too obscure or off limits, so please submit your question for Bog via email. We will post questions and answers here on The Ded Dave Show website. Please include Ask Bog in the subject line, as well as your first name and city of residence.

Questions and Answers

Q: Bog, do you ever get any backstage betties after the live performances?
A: Bog mostly get backstage barney proposals.
Tony Tokin' - Martinsville, VA

Q: Bog, did you enjoy the Motor City Nightmares Weekend Convention and do you miss me as much as I miss you?
A: Yes, Bog enjoy self, thank you; only problem when story time interrupted by Jason VII-IX. Bog can't wait to hold you again, too!
Dwayne R. - Livonia, MI

Q: Bog, could you give a "How To" segment on how to make your awesome Robot costume from the 'Sea Monkeys' episode?
A: Everyone know how to make robot costume. First become Police Officer. Then get brutally murdered. After that the Omni Consumer Products will makes you a robot, but you have to remember 4 things to do.
 1. Serve public trusts.
 2. Protect the non-bad guys.
 3. Hold the law up.
 4. I can't tell you, so no asking.
 5. Oil can.

Grim - Undisclosed Location

Q: Hi, want is your favite food?
A: "Want" is not Bog's "favite" food. Me not sure who you think you are, but you should not be going around telling people what their favorite food is, thank you very much.
"Scorpio" - Undisclosed Location

Q: Bog, I can't wait for the Christmas show. Do you believe in Santa Claus? If you could ask Santa one question, what would it be?
A: It wasn't me!
Dwayne R. - Livonia, MI

Q: Do you have Bog lights on your vehicle?
A: Bog not have vehicle; Bog have horsey. I love horseys! It DOES have lights; David put them on!
Paddy - Undisclosed Location

Q: Why does it burn when I pee?
A: Don't know. Maybe you stop peeing and it won't burn. Or maybe get job working at local incinerator.
Joe C. - Ferndale, MI

Q: Hi Bog, Lately I've had a real taste for some dead baby. Can you recommend any good recipes, please? Thanks!
A: Ewww! Me think something wrong with you. Try not eating dead babies and then get back to Bog!
Reverend Egg Plant - CotSG, ILC - Chief Cook & Bottle Washer - Cult of the Chrome Skull Shift Knob

Q: Dear Bog, I have relatives coming over for the holidays and was wondering if you have any favorite recipes for delicious brains!?
A: Why people want recipes for things I don't eat? Maybe because people are dumb dumbs and think I'm a zombie like Dave. Bog not. Bog like Mr T. from A-team. Me drink milk and don't like to fly in airplanes.
Eric T. - Minneapolis, MN

Q: Dear Bog, I have been a hard working makeup artist for 15 years until I was laid off. I went to school and am now a licensed Esthetician. I aspire to create more zombies, dead folk's and let the creative juices fly...if you know what I mean. Any employment tips Bog? Maybe you could put a word in for me to Ded Dave?!?
A: Bog think economy bad and not sure what Esthetician is. Me think you made it up and that's why you can't find job because it isn't real. Try finding a real title and me thinks you'll find job. If that doesn't work, read Bog's 32,009 page pamphlet on how to get job; it have lots of pictures me drew with crayon. As for second part of question, Bog only have time for one question...unless you want to work for free.
Zoe B. - Royal Oak, MI

Q: Dear Bog, why do I always cry at the end of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial?
A: You cry because you don't realize that it's a movie. Next time you watch it keep telling yourself that E.T. looks like Jim Henson's pee pee and you'll never cry again.
Dwayne R. - Livonia, MI

Q: Dear Bog, my sister told me you were just a guy in a suit, like Santa Claus. What's up with that?
A: Bog nothing like Santa, Bog not scary and doesn't have goats that fly him around. No more talk about Santa, please.
Felicity J. - Wyandotte, MI

Q: What is math?
A: Math is just like a bird, you can never figure it out and it never dies.
Francis S. - Southfield, MI

Q: Why do you yell all the time?
Elizabeth L. - Warren, MI

Q: Do you ever wish you were normal?
A: What do you mean? I have two eyes, two hands, two knees, two feets and two nipples just like everyone else. Stop being racist!
Jenna M. - Clarkston, MI

Q: You ever wish you could fly?
A: Me had dream once that I could fly. In dream I flew to over the Grand Crayon, Mount Quickmore and then over According to Jim's house. When I woke up there was doody in my bed.
Jeffrey R. - Farmington Hills, MI

Q: I'm a big fan of your show, what is it like behind the scenes?
A: Oh, it's great! Colin gives me lots of beers and tells me what to do and Dave gets mad a lot and yells at me. It's just like the movie Under Siege. Colin says Bog is Steven Seagal!
Pat V. - Madison Heights, MI

Q: Dear Bog, my name is Clay Phlinteen and I'm 17 years old. I'm really shy, and was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to be more confident?
A: Go to TV station and tell them Bog says you can have your own TV Show, like Everyone Loves Raymond. We will call yours Clay Pigeon. It will revolve around Clay Phlinteen, a successful sportswriter living on Long Island with his wife, Debra, daughter, Ally, and twin sons, Geoffrey and Michael. That's the good news. The bad news? Clay's meddling parents, Frank and Marie, live directly across the street and embrace the motto "Su casa es mi casa," infiltrating their son's home to an extent unparalleled in television history. Frank's favorite expression, "Holy Crap," is shouted at regular intervals, and Marie's "cooking advice" is less than appreciated by Debra. Brother Robert, a divorced policeman, is constantly moving in and out of his parents' house, and loves to drop over and resent Clay's successful career and happy family life. Clay and Debra just wish someone would knock once in a while. It will be funny. If that doesn't work, try beer.
Clay P. - Toledo, OH

Q: My boyfriend treats me badly. What should I do to make him treat me better?
A: Eat chips! Davey lets me have ALL the chips, even when I only want one!
Melissa R. - Mt. Clemens, MI

Q: What is your favorite drink?
A: Rice pudding good. Sometimes straw get clogged. That make me sad. :(
Eunice M. - Eastpointe, MI

Q: What type of tree are you?
A: Bog not tree, stupid!
James D. - Royal Oak, MI

* Bog is not a medical doctor, attorney, licensed therapist, expert of any kind or even a reliable thinker; any advice given should not be taken seriously.
The Ded Dave Show Cast